Usually
the culprit is the circumstances, or anxiety; it may be the inappropriate
position or technique. It may be the partner who orgasms before you
do. Not withstanding all these, it is clear that you are capable of
orgasms.
If you
are able to reach climax in some instances but not in the other it
is what we call 'situational'. Compare both situations and note the
differences between them in each possible area - your surroundings,
method of stimulation, the type and intensity of feelings aroused
in each situation, fantasies, your level of comfort/discomfort, or
anxiety in either situation, what exactly goes on in your head when
you are participating in sex with partner, your feelings about your
or his attractiveness etc.,
These
observations will help you identify what's holding you from reaching
orgasm. By bridging the gaps you can overcome the problem. For ex.,
if you are anxious or tense in the presence of a partner or if you
do not have the same leisure and comfort as you would have in your
solitary experiences - work out ways to eliminate these factors.
Try different
coital positions. Some are capable of giving orgasm to women faster,
for ex., woman-on-top, with the partner stimulating her clitoris.
Communicate
with your partner about what and how you would like him to do to take
you to orgasm. You can do so verbally or by guiding his movements
to your advantage.